I'm officially back to embracing the "Working Mom" title. Going back to work brought on a lot of mixed feelings for me. I was nervous to jump back in after being out of the office, feeling bad about the lost hours of quality time spent with the family this week, regretting not spending more time soaking up baby cuddles and reading stories, worried about how Kevin would handle having both girls at home during the day...and then a little exhausted on top of that.
Let me just say it..Mom Guilt Sucks.
I try to overcompensate by focusing entirely on the girls when I get home from work. I spend my commute listening to parenting books and books about how to be a successful working mom, all in an attempt to make myself feel better that I'm missing so many quality hours with the girls during such a fleeting time.
Some days I feel even worse when my emotionally unstable two-year-old sees me arrive home from work and cries...not wanting to be near me, all due to whatever demon has possessed her lately.
I know my kids love me, that they have a pretty sweet set-up with their dad at home, and all they see is a mom who loves them, and that they just want attention and affection from me (when Lorelai hasn't morphed into the terrible-two monster) but still there is the mom guilt-- ever present, always making me question if what I'm doing is best for my girls.
So I've read more articles, books and spent a little time reflecting, and here is what I've decided.
1. I feel guilty because I care. Mom guilt means you care. You care about your kids and the time you spend with them, and that's a good thing. So maybe a little mom guilt is okay.
2. Focus on quality time. My time is now limited, so focusing on quality time with the girls is my priority. Putting down the phone when we are together, taking Lorelai to a park to run instead of Target as a multi-tasking endeavor, enjoying the 3 am feedings with Pepper as way to see her before work. This also means as I'm going to focus on more quality time with the girls, just the 3 of us...it is also a way for Kevin to get some time off as well.
3. Finding more time. This year I've decided to do things to find more time in my day. That means taking on a few less photo clients, paying a little more for convenience when it warrants it (like going to a hair stylist that is more convenient, allowing me to not waste an evening away from the kids), and not over committing myself to other endeavors. I'm going to do better at saying the word "No."
4. Realize when I'm comparing. A lot of my guilt stems from thinking other moms are doing it better than me. I assume they are spending more time with their kids, being better role models, and maybe not working so much. No good comes from comparing myself to other moms, because you'll never see the whole picture.
5. Take more Vacations. This one sounds extravagant, but it's really just me saying I'm going to take more time off work than I normally have. What I love about vacation is it is 100% family time all the time (or 100% Kitty and Kevin time if we are traveling alone). For us, I need to be forced out of my element sometimes to reset and remind myself how important family time is. Even if our vacation doesn't require me to take off work and we road trip for a weekend...I want to get out of the house and our normal routine.
As a result, my house may be a little messier during the week...I may have to run all my errands during nap time..and our budget may be a little tighter...but I doubt my kids will ever remember that.
Let me just say it..Mom Guilt Sucks.
I try to overcompensate by focusing entirely on the girls when I get home from work. I spend my commute listening to parenting books and books about how to be a successful working mom, all in an attempt to make myself feel better that I'm missing so many quality hours with the girls during such a fleeting time.
Some days I feel even worse when my emotionally unstable two-year-old sees me arrive home from work and cries...not wanting to be near me, all due to whatever demon has possessed her lately.
I know my kids love me, that they have a pretty sweet set-up with their dad at home, and all they see is a mom who loves them, and that they just want attention and affection from me (when Lorelai hasn't morphed into the terrible-two monster) but still there is the mom guilt-- ever present, always making me question if what I'm doing is best for my girls.
So I've read more articles, books and spent a little time reflecting, and here is what I've decided.
1. I feel guilty because I care. Mom guilt means you care. You care about your kids and the time you spend with them, and that's a good thing. So maybe a little mom guilt is okay.
2. Focus on quality time. My time is now limited, so focusing on quality time with the girls is my priority. Putting down the phone when we are together, taking Lorelai to a park to run instead of Target as a multi-tasking endeavor, enjoying the 3 am feedings with Pepper as way to see her before work. This also means as I'm going to focus on more quality time with the girls, just the 3 of us...it is also a way for Kevin to get some time off as well.
3. Finding more time. This year I've decided to do things to find more time in my day. That means taking on a few less photo clients, paying a little more for convenience when it warrants it (like going to a hair stylist that is more convenient, allowing me to not waste an evening away from the kids), and not over committing myself to other endeavors. I'm going to do better at saying the word "No."
4. Realize when I'm comparing. A lot of my guilt stems from thinking other moms are doing it better than me. I assume they are spending more time with their kids, being better role models, and maybe not working so much. No good comes from comparing myself to other moms, because you'll never see the whole picture.
5. Take more Vacations. This one sounds extravagant, but it's really just me saying I'm going to take more time off work than I normally have. What I love about vacation is it is 100% family time all the time (or 100% Kitty and Kevin time if we are traveling alone). For us, I need to be forced out of my element sometimes to reset and remind myself how important family time is. Even if our vacation doesn't require me to take off work and we road trip for a weekend...I want to get out of the house and our normal routine.
As a result, my house may be a little messier during the week...I may have to run all my errands during nap time..and our budget may be a little tighter...but I doubt my kids will ever remember that.
Comments