If you've been a follower for a while, you may remember my post about nursing Lorelai 2 years ago. That I nursed her for 5 months before giving up the fight. That is truly what it was at that point, a fight between me and my 5 month old daughter. A very strong-willed daughter who after multiple nursing strikes (lasting many days each time) won the battle that she simply wanted the bottle.
When I voiced my concerns to friends about having another baby, and repeating the same struggles (whether nursing or others) we had that first year with Lorelai...I was always told the same thing "every kid is different." All I could think was "yeah right, we are going to get another colic child with MSPI and an egg allergy who hates nursing.
They could not have been more right.
Pepper is mild tempered, a cuddler and has wanted to nurse constantly since she arrived. Here is the problem...her nursing hurt...bad. Let me back up.
In the hospital the lactation consultants just kept telling me how awesome her latch looked, and how she got it immediately. My thought was "okay, so this pain I'm experiencing is just me getting used to this." I voiced my concerns to the lactation consultants immediately upon their arrival that I had a bad experience with a "nipple shield" with my first, and I was not willing to try that again. They understood, and with her "good latch" advised I was just fine. Because of the shield last time, I never experienced nursing without a barrier.
The pain continued. Finally after being home a week I was on the couch crying because it hurt so bad and that's when I scheduled a lactation consult. It was there where I was told that no, it should not be hurting this bad, and the wounds I had were significant. I won't get too detailed, but I literally was missing a chunk out of a nipple due to poor nursing and scabbing. Earlier that week I was put on antibiotics for an infection, and the consultant advised I now had yeast from the moisture from nursing and that was increasing my pain. We were given tips to try, healing medication and told that Pepper also had tongue-tie.
I brought my concerns to her pediatrician the next day, who confirmed the tongue-tie. We debated on the procedure, but eventually moved forward with fixing the tie.
I struggled in pain for a few more days after before going back to the consultant. Even though Pepper had her tie fixed, she hadn't learned to use her tongue properly. We started exercises with her to work with her on tongue mobility, ideally fixing the nursing issues, without that fixed I simply wouldn't be able to heal as it was reopening and causing additional wounds each time she ate. I was also on more medication now for yeast, and we tried more attempts at solving the issue, including spending days of just pumping to give me time to heal and to work with her on learning to use her tongue with bottles and pacifiers.
In the end, she still hasn't been able to latch without causing a lot of pain, and I'm still in the healing process. It doesn't help that my anatomy is such that it isn't ready-made for nursing. All contributing factors.
But thankfully, this is when my experience with Lorelai has helped. Pepper still loves to cuddle, even if it isn't nursing. She actually prefers the bottle to eat (bottles produce milk faster!) I went through a lot of emotions with Lorelai to the point that when I wasn't nursing I almost didn't want to hold her because I knew I would just be stuck nursing again in 2 hours. I didn't handle being put in 1 place for that long well, and I felt like I was struggling to bond with her. I didn't realize the extent of how much I struggled with her as a result of nursing until Pepper arrived. This month I realized I never once napped on the couch with Lorelai and snuggled, I think a lot of that had to do with my struggles in nursing her. Pepper and I enjoy daily cuddle sessions, and multiple naps a week together. If she naps in her bed, I miss her almost immediately and can't wait for her to wake up. I love Lorelai, and loved her as a baby too...but the struggles we had from nursing made us not enjoy being with each other.
What is the moral of this? In short, it's to say again...every kid is different. But its also to say when it comes to how your baby eats, it is so much more than whether they are getting breast milk or formula. How you choose to feed your baby can affect your entire relationship...whether you realize it or not.
With Pepper, I didn't expect to be ending our nursing journey so early. I expected this post to be months out from when she was born...not weeks. Could I have done more to try nursing longer? Certainly, but I chose what was best for us. I hope you new moms (and those like me who are doing this all over again) feel empowered to do what is best for you and your baby.
You can read about my journey with Lorelai here.
When I voiced my concerns to friends about having another baby, and repeating the same struggles (whether nursing or others) we had that first year with Lorelai...I was always told the same thing "every kid is different." All I could think was "yeah right, we are going to get another colic child with MSPI and an egg allergy who hates nursing.
They could not have been more right.
Pepper is mild tempered, a cuddler and has wanted to nurse constantly since she arrived. Here is the problem...her nursing hurt...bad. Let me back up.
In the hospital the lactation consultants just kept telling me how awesome her latch looked, and how she got it immediately. My thought was "okay, so this pain I'm experiencing is just me getting used to this." I voiced my concerns to the lactation consultants immediately upon their arrival that I had a bad experience with a "nipple shield" with my first, and I was not willing to try that again. They understood, and with her "good latch" advised I was just fine. Because of the shield last time, I never experienced nursing without a barrier.
The pain continued. Finally after being home a week I was on the couch crying because it hurt so bad and that's when I scheduled a lactation consult. It was there where I was told that no, it should not be hurting this bad, and the wounds I had were significant. I won't get too detailed, but I literally was missing a chunk out of a nipple due to poor nursing and scabbing. Earlier that week I was put on antibiotics for an infection, and the consultant advised I now had yeast from the moisture from nursing and that was increasing my pain. We were given tips to try, healing medication and told that Pepper also had tongue-tie.
I brought my concerns to her pediatrician the next day, who confirmed the tongue-tie. We debated on the procedure, but eventually moved forward with fixing the tie.
I struggled in pain for a few more days after before going back to the consultant. Even though Pepper had her tie fixed, she hadn't learned to use her tongue properly. We started exercises with her to work with her on tongue mobility, ideally fixing the nursing issues, without that fixed I simply wouldn't be able to heal as it was reopening and causing additional wounds each time she ate. I was also on more medication now for yeast, and we tried more attempts at solving the issue, including spending days of just pumping to give me time to heal and to work with her on learning to use her tongue with bottles and pacifiers.
In the end, she still hasn't been able to latch without causing a lot of pain, and I'm still in the healing process. It doesn't help that my anatomy is such that it isn't ready-made for nursing. All contributing factors.
But thankfully, this is when my experience with Lorelai has helped. Pepper still loves to cuddle, even if it isn't nursing. She actually prefers the bottle to eat (bottles produce milk faster!) I went through a lot of emotions with Lorelai to the point that when I wasn't nursing I almost didn't want to hold her because I knew I would just be stuck nursing again in 2 hours. I didn't handle being put in 1 place for that long well, and I felt like I was struggling to bond with her. I didn't realize the extent of how much I struggled with her as a result of nursing until Pepper arrived. This month I realized I never once napped on the couch with Lorelai and snuggled, I think a lot of that had to do with my struggles in nursing her. Pepper and I enjoy daily cuddle sessions, and multiple naps a week together. If she naps in her bed, I miss her almost immediately and can't wait for her to wake up. I love Lorelai, and loved her as a baby too...but the struggles we had from nursing made us not enjoy being with each other.
What is the moral of this? In short, it's to say again...every kid is different. But its also to say when it comes to how your baby eats, it is so much more than whether they are getting breast milk or formula. How you choose to feed your baby can affect your entire relationship...whether you realize it or not.
With Pepper, I didn't expect to be ending our nursing journey so early. I expected this post to be months out from when she was born...not weeks. Could I have done more to try nursing longer? Certainly, but I chose what was best for us. I hope you new moms (and those like me who are doing this all over again) feel empowered to do what is best for you and your baby.
You can read about my journey with Lorelai here.
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