Recently we've made the decision to ban a particular word from our house. Just in the last few weeks we are realizing how much Lorelai hears and understands us....even if she doesn't look like it. At almost 22 months old, our little girl is smart...really smart. It's amazing what suggestions or things we say that she comprehends.
We've learned at night we cannot talk about what is going on the next day (whether it is the zoo, or a trip or grandma coming over) because it makes her not want to go to bed. Even the mention of going to Sunday class at church makes her cry, and she understands so many commands like "wouldn't you like to sit with the other kids during story time?" (A personally proud moment that happened yesterday at the library, where she got off my lap to sit with the other kids). It is this level of comprehension that has made us decided to ban this word from our house.
Shy.
My mom was the first to point this out to me. I took it to heart and talked with Kevin about it, he whole heartily agreed.
Both my mom and Kevin grew up being told they were shy. As someone who was probably never called that (not that I was particularly outgoing) it took their stories to make me understand the power of this word. Both my mom and Kevin han strong opinions about being called shy growing up, neither of them liked it and believe it affected how they grew up.Even though I don't have experience being called shy, I do fully believe that what your parents say about you can turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. Some of my earliest memories of my parents commenting on my capabilities were that of telling me I was smart, and that I should become a lawyer. Now, I know my dad probably did see something in me that gave me inherent traits that would make a good lawyer...but when it came to what I wanted to do after business school, I decided to go to law school because I'd been told most of my life I'd be good at it, and I wasn't sure what else to do at that point.
Lorelai has been put in a place to be easily compared to her two cousins. One is 5 months older than her, the other 1 year younger (see batman and wonderwoman above). They have been blessed with very outgoing personalities that starkly contrast my little girl. If you look at the four of us as parents, it isn't difficult to see the differences in our own personality traits and why my nieces may have a propensity to be more boisterous. It is easy for Lorelai to be labeled as shy against these two awesome kids. I'm willing to guess my sister and her husband are both extroverts, where although Kevin and I are very different, we find our energy by being alone...labeling us introverts.There is nothing inherently negative about being an introvert. This time of year, I'm often reminded about all the wonderful things that were said about my grandfather at his funeral. A long time high school principal and church leader, people often said he didn't talk much, but when he did...you listened. He was a very wise man, and he could have been labeled as shy to those only observing from the outside.
Working on things that don't come naturally to us is something I want to impress upon Lorelai. Whether you are an adult, or not yet 2 years old...we all can grow. The labels we are given by those things that come easily to us shouldn't excuse us from growing or make us feel like we are unable to change.
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