You'll have to excuse me...as I don't know the politically correct term for "Working Mom". Whether it is working outside the home, working parent, breadwinner....no idea. What Kevin does at home with Lorelai is by no means less important than what I do when I go to work on the weekdays, so for brevity's sake I'm calling it "Working Mom" for the remainder of this post (assume positive intent with that term).
I'm a working mom. I've been a Working Mom for about a year and a half now. I went back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old, and that was when my Working Mom status began. Actually when my daughter was just 3 weeks old I went back to my MBA classes, so I first had the title of "Mom in School" before "Working Mom"
My biggest concern of being a Working Mom was missing her "firsts". Thankfully, I don't feel like I missed many "firsts" with Lorelai as a working mom yet. I'm missing a few more now that she is learning so quickly...but I was able to see or quickly hear about the first time she rolled over, steps, ate food, giggled...all those great baby first.
What I didn't think I would be, is bothered by how other people perceive me as a Working Mom. I think this is magnified when they hear I have a stay-at-home husband. I was expecting more of the "You Go Girl!" reactions, whereas I actually receive more responses of pity (those who assume I'd rather be at home), bewilderment (knowing I don't want to be the stay-at-home parent, but can't understand why), or even clear disapproval of my choice to be the spouse who works outside the home. Reactions vary tremendously by age group too, which has been a surprise. I feel I get just as many bewilderment responses from Millennials as I do the "You Go Girl!" reactions.
So how do I handle it? I can't change what others think, but I can change my reaction to them. I know that my choice is helping to provide for my daughter (and baby on the way). I'm giving my kids a good example that you can make your own choices in life. It also is wonderful knowing that Kevin and I are able to parent to our strengths. I have an amazing husband who is so patient and loving towards our daughter. The fact that Lorelai has the opportunity to have a close relationship with her dad, gives her an amazing example of what her future husband should be like, and how he should treat her.
I also fit things in my schedule a little differently than I used to. I try to be home as much as possible during awake hours. I leave for work at 6:30 a.m before she wakes up (usually around 7:30) and am home just after her nap around 4:00 p.m. That means on a regular work day right now, I'm missing about 5 of her awake hours at my Monday-Friday job. On the weekends, I always try to schedule photo sessions during her nap time, and edit when she goes to bed at night. I want to be as present as possible in my daughter's life. If it makes sense, I take her with me on errands on the weekends and bring her with me whereever I can. This is also a big reason why we take family trips, to get away and spend every waking moment together for a few days at a time...without the distraction of daily life.
Soon, I know that quality time, not just quantity of time will be her priority. One of my all-time favorite books on this subject is I Know How She Does It. If you're a working mom and really struggling with this reality, I highly suggest you take a look. I'm about to start reading it again as I know the arrival of our new baby will put me back into the emotional turmoil that is being away from my baby. The book is a good reminder that although quantity of time matters, quality time is what is most important. Being present with your child, but on your phone or watching T.V isn't as important as time spent letting your child know they are completely loved and cared for, and that they matter to you.
What else has this Working Mom experience taught me? I'll be the first to admit I was always a little surprised by my peers who chose to go obtain a higher education degree, and then to stay at home when their little one arrived. However, as my family likes to remind me "Not everyone thinks just like you, Kitty" and just because I chose a role outside the home, doesn't mean everyone would rather to do that. It's a good reminder that just as I struggle with the negative reactions of being a Working Mom, I shouldn't be doing the same to those who chose a different path than me!
I'm a working mom. I've been a Working Mom for about a year and a half now. I went back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old, and that was when my Working Mom status began. Actually when my daughter was just 3 weeks old I went back to my MBA classes, so I first had the title of "Mom in School" before "Working Mom"My biggest concern of being a Working Mom was missing her "firsts". Thankfully, I don't feel like I missed many "firsts" with Lorelai as a working mom yet. I'm missing a few more now that she is learning so quickly...but I was able to see or quickly hear about the first time she rolled over, steps, ate food, giggled...all those great baby first.
What I didn't think I would be, is bothered by how other people perceive me as a Working Mom. I think this is magnified when they hear I have a stay-at-home husband. I was expecting more of the "You Go Girl!" reactions, whereas I actually receive more responses of pity (those who assume I'd rather be at home), bewilderment (knowing I don't want to be the stay-at-home parent, but can't understand why), or even clear disapproval of my choice to be the spouse who works outside the home. Reactions vary tremendously by age group too, which has been a surprise. I feel I get just as many bewilderment responses from Millennials as I do the "You Go Girl!" reactions.
So how do I handle it? I can't change what others think, but I can change my reaction to them. I know that my choice is helping to provide for my daughter (and baby on the way). I'm giving my kids a good example that you can make your own choices in life. It also is wonderful knowing that Kevin and I are able to parent to our strengths. I have an amazing husband who is so patient and loving towards our daughter. The fact that Lorelai has the opportunity to have a close relationship with her dad, gives her an amazing example of what her future husband should be like, and how he should treat her.
I also fit things in my schedule a little differently than I used to. I try to be home as much as possible during awake hours. I leave for work at 6:30 a.m before she wakes up (usually around 7:30) and am home just after her nap around 4:00 p.m. That means on a regular work day right now, I'm missing about 5 of her awake hours at my Monday-Friday job. On the weekends, I always try to schedule photo sessions during her nap time, and edit when she goes to bed at night. I want to be as present as possible in my daughter's life. If it makes sense, I take her with me on errands on the weekends and bring her with me whereever I can. This is also a big reason why we take family trips, to get away and spend every waking moment together for a few days at a time...without the distraction of daily life.
Soon, I know that quality time, not just quantity of time will be her priority. One of my all-time favorite books on this subject is I Know How She Does It. If you're a working mom and really struggling with this reality, I highly suggest you take a look. I'm about to start reading it again as I know the arrival of our new baby will put me back into the emotional turmoil that is being away from my baby. The book is a good reminder that although quantity of time matters, quality time is what is most important. Being present with your child, but on your phone or watching T.V isn't as important as time spent letting your child know they are completely loved and cared for, and that they matter to you.
What else has this Working Mom experience taught me? I'll be the first to admit I was always a little surprised by my peers who chose to go obtain a higher education degree, and then to stay at home when their little one arrived. However, as my family likes to remind me "Not everyone thinks just like you, Kitty" and just because I chose a role outside the home, doesn't mean everyone would rather to do that. It's a good reminder that just as I struggle with the negative reactions of being a Working Mom, I shouldn't be doing the same to those who chose a different path than me!
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