I'll start by telling you that I know I'm emotional right now....like I'd say a full on wreck. When Kevin found me bawling last night, all I could get out was "It's Schrödinger's Cat!"
If you don't know Schrödinger's Cat, it can be summarized as this: If you put a cat in a box (with deadly chemicals), and you don't look in the box...the cat is both dead and alive when inside the box. It is only once you look in the box that the cat becomes one or the other.
Example:
If you don't know Schrödinger's Cat, it can be summarized as this: If you put a cat in a box (with deadly chemicals), and you don't look in the box...the cat is both dead and alive when inside the box. It is only once you look in the box that the cat becomes one or the other.
What does this have to do with my pregnancy emotions?
Finding out the gender of our baby.
This week we find out the gender of our baby, and I was shocked to find out that as the date grows nearer....I am so emotionally torn about my preference on whether our 2nd born would be a boy or girl that I was in tears.
So as I explained to Kevin, right now it is possible that it could be both a boy and a girl and it is only once I get that ultrasound that I know which it is. Kevin (the rational one during this time in our lives, well, and a lot of other times) tried to talk to me about how it isn't my choice, and the baby is already one or the other so there is no need to worry...but the irrational crazy hormonal pregnant lady that took over my body continued to cry and explain why Schrödinger's Cat allows me to think of it as both, and dream about our future baby as either a boy or a girl...and after we find out there is only one way to go.
Here's where I probably struggled more than other people on this. With Lorelai, I knew what I wanted...I wanted a girl. For my second, I always thought..."yep, another girl!" until recently when I really started thinking about it. I had a dream we were having a girl, and a little part of me was disappointed. Which threw me into a downward spiral....maybe I do want a boy?! Then, naturally (okay maybe this is natural only in my own world) I began making an internal pro/con list to having each.
Example:
Girl: Sisters are the best things ever. Lorelai having a sister would be awesome
Boy: Have you met my husband? He seriously was the cutest little boy ever. Plus, I think it would be so much more fun to have a daughter-in-law someday that I can bond with.
And the list goes on...
Plus add to the mix that we plan to only have 2 children, there isn't another option coming. Lorelai is either going to have a brother or a sister....but not both.
As Kevin repeatedly pointed out, it wasn't up to me. Sure....rationally that makes sense...but irrationally I needed to know how I would feel when I found out. Either way, I'm gaining something great, but losing the endless possibilities that came with knowing it could be either. I have an opinion about everything in my life, and I needed an opinion on this. And yet, cannot decide on one.
Now you may be thinking, "Okay then...just don't open the box." But we all know that isn't an option for me. I'm finding out, and I know I will be thrilled with our new little baby...whatever he/she may be. I need to plan, I need to know, so we are finding out.
And to answer your final question....yes, these photos are of my cat. When we used to enjoy drawing pictures on boxes and sticking her head through. Poor Lady Grey has been through a lot these past 5 years.


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