Throughout this pregnancy we've had a few posts regarding what NOT to say to pregnant people. We had a generic one that covered first and second trimester as well as one regarding what not to say when someone is announcing they are pregnant. Third trimester brings on a WHOLE new set of things not to say to pregnant people....so if you want to show that preggo in your life you care... Start by not saying one of the following, but as always if you're stuck for something to say I give you a few acceptable questions to use instead!
"Wow, You're still here?" Or any version of showing disappointment that they haven't had their baby yet. Guess what...at this point the preggo may be disappointed too...and if they are, they don't want to talk about it.
"You Look Ready to Pop!" If I look ready, I'm probably about to pop you in the jaw for saying it because this whale and her emotions are getting the better of her.
"Are you Dilated?" Okay, I am shocked that this question comes up as much as it does. In what other social situation is it acceptable to come up and ask about my lady parts?! I don't care if you're a mother of 4 and currently breastfeeding your 5 year old child in public without a nursing cover at the time you're asking me this...you can share with the world your lady parts if you'd like...but let every mother have the option not to. A more acceptable question would be "What has your doctor said?" or something more generic. That way if I feel so inclined to discuss the details of what goes on in my doctor checkups, I am open to do so. Or I can simply let you know that all is all track...and we can leave it at that.
"Are You sure You're not having Twins?" Oh, so not only do you think I'm large, you think I'm twice as large as I should be?? It's not a lighthearted way to comment on a pregnancy...it's rude.
"You Look Tired." First of all, let me say that you should NEVER say this to ANYONE ever...unless you already don't like them and want them to know it. Do you know what pregnant people deal with at this stage?? I'm getting up around 5 times a night to go to the bathroom. And I'm not just hoping out of bed, I'm having to practically log roll and use my own body weight thrown over the side of the bed to even get myself out. Then to get myself back in bed sometimes I have to crawl on my hands and knees, and I have had moments where my arm muscles literally cannot take the weight of my upper body, and I face plant directly into my sleeping husband. After laying there a while trying to catch my breath (because not only do I weigh a ton, but my baby is squishing my lungs making it impossible to breath) if I'm lucky I can maneuver myself back to my side of the bed. Then hopefully I'll remember to pop another Tums for my heartburn and maybe get 2 more hours of sleep before doing the exact same thing all over again. If I forget the Tums I'll be up again in 30 minutes because the heartburn will wake me. So yes, I may look tired... but don't you dare say it.
"My friend Susie said she gained 50 lbs with her pregnancy! Isn't that a ton??" Honestly, comparing me to other pregnant people just isn't a great idea. I get this a lot from people who haven't been pregnant before, and they want to relate somehow. Tell you the truth, I've done this exact thing even this year to some of my other preggo friends. Every single pregnancy is SOOO different, and you have no idea what they are going through. Trust me, 50lbs sounds like a lot until you are there...and once you are...well it's not like you're going to be jumping on a treadmill to try to lose the weight now. Women carry weight in all sorts of ways, they have crazy different reactions to pregnancies. For example, I didn't have a ton of morning sickness, but boy am I retaining water....everywhere. I also thankfully am not struggling with back pains, itching and rashes....but my wolverine face would tell you that I have grown sideburns thanks to this lovely baby.
Acceptable things to say instead:
"You look great for being X weeks along!" Even better is simply a "you look great!" and drop the rest. I had a lady tell me this at the grocery store today after overhearing another person ask how far along I was. I practically skipped (yep...imagine this beach ball skipping) out of the grocery store because it made my day.
"How're you feeling?" Sometimes I want to acknowledge to the world that I've worn the same pair of black TOMS shoes for the last 2 months because my feet don't fit in anything else. Or that at my baby shower I had to leave my boots half unzipped because they wouldn't go over my ever-growing calves. At this stage, I'll likely share some funny ailment with you, and then we can move on.
"Are you ready for her to arrive?" When it comes to organizing, I love talking out loud through my plans. Sharing with you that I successfully have everything from the crib to the car seat installed is liberating.
"Do you need any help with X?" Want to know what has been the most eye opening experience of third trimester for me? The true inability to get up sometimes. I mean...I literally cannot get of the couch gracefully anymore. I will never be offended by an extra hand, but if I say no...let me be...it's my own fault if I want to look like a beached whale. This also goes for picking something up off the floor. Some days I literally just can't do it. I will always accept help.
I'm also bringing back my favorite from a prior post....
"Would you like some chocolate?" because that answer will always be yes. Just watch your fingers...animals may bite...hand the chocolate to me like you've learned to feed a horse (palm up, fingers out of the way so I don't accidentally eat them).
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