Rolling off my previous post regarding all the things NOT to say to someone when they announce they are pregnant...here are a few things you should NEVER say to someone who is pregnant, no matter what stage in pregnancy we are at.
Don't guess how far along they are. You may be an expert guesser...but now is not the time. If you're going to guess despite my suggestion...its your funeral. Not long ago I had a stranger guess I was multiple...multiple weeks further along than I was. Since this is entirely based on the size of my stomach, what I heard was "Man, you look huge, hopefully its your baby taking up all that space in there, or else you're really packing on the pounds." Other related comments "Are you sure you're not having twins?", "You're huge!", "Whoa....." This also goes for telling someone they don't look pregnant. I had this happen the exact same week, by a sales clerk (who coincidentally was the first time I've ever met a stranger and they responded with "My name is Kitty too!" I just stared at her I was so caught off guard. Maybe you Sara's and Katie's get this...but not us "Kitty"s...we have no idea what to say to this...so I just gave her a blank stare) she told me "Oh, I wouldn't have guessed you were pregnant". Great. (sarcasm) well seeing as how I'm 23 weeks along, and have gained somewhere near 20 lbs...you basically told me all that weight gain has not gone to my stomach where my baby is growing, but somewhere else on my body (my bet is to my butt). So much for gaining weight to sustain my baby...I'm just getting fat, eh? Great.
Don't guess how far along they are. You may be an expert guesser...but now is not the time. If you're going to guess despite my suggestion...its your funeral. Not long ago I had a stranger guess I was multiple...multiple weeks further along than I was. Since this is entirely based on the size of my stomach, what I heard was "Man, you look huge, hopefully its your baby taking up all that space in there, or else you're really packing on the pounds." Other related comments "Are you sure you're not having twins?", "You're huge!", "Whoa....." This also goes for telling someone they don't look pregnant. I had this happen the exact same week, by a sales clerk (who coincidentally was the first time I've ever met a stranger and they responded with "My name is Kitty too!" I just stared at her I was so caught off guard. Maybe you Sara's and Katie's get this...but not us "Kitty"s...we have no idea what to say to this...so I just gave her a blank stare) she told me "Oh, I wouldn't have guessed you were pregnant". Great. (sarcasm) well seeing as how I'm 23 weeks along, and have gained somewhere near 20 lbs...you basically told me all that weight gain has not gone to my stomach where my baby is growing, but somewhere else on my body (my bet is to my butt). So much for gaining weight to sustain my baby...I'm just getting fat, eh? Great.
Mask of Pregnancy/Hair growth Comments. My husband learned this one the hard way when he pointed out my wolverine-looking sideburns during my 2nd trimester. Just because you know what the mask of pregnancy looks like, or that you've noticed they have a lot of hair growth on their face (chin, underarms...wherever). Don't comment on it. We probably already know its there. And if we don't (such as when I did NOT know I was growing sideburns), we are better off living in complete ignorance since its something we have very little control over.
Baby Name Bashing. This year I've heard tons of stories about people who have told their baby names early, and have gotten some pretty rude comments about the names they picked. One of my friend's who experienced this summed it up pretty well when I talked with her. She said that she and her husband spent a TON of time picking out a name that they really loved, it wasn't just something the couple came up on a whim, so it was extremely offensive when her family made fun of the name they picked. She had put a ton of thought into it, and it didn't matter what they said...she wasn't changing it. So now she knows they hate the name, no matter how much they try to back peddle. She also knows they will get used to it, so suck it up. This goes for whether you are family, sisters, or BFFs...no matter your status, don't make fun of a baby name. If the person genuinely wants your opinion, they may ask...and even then...I advise NOT saying anything unless the couple truly accidentally missed that they are spelling their baby name (pronounced Ooo-dee-var) as"underwear" or something equally horrendous. Have people said things about my baby name? Sure...but good thing I'm emotionally shot these past two weeks, because I genuinely do not care what the baby-name haters think. My little girl is going to kick your kid's butt someday (let's be honest, probably not literally....but maybe in one of those mean spelling-bee tournaments or some other nerdy activity that requires zero hand-eye coordination).
Anything that you can't handle the answer to without flinching. Examples, asking about our plans when the baby arrives. If you're not going to be able to handle my answer that my husband will be staying home with the baby, and I'll be taking only 1.5 months off for maternity leave...then don't ask. Because your shocked face and "Oh...that's nice" doesn't cover up your real feelings about this. If you can only handle an answer that says I'll be quitting my job and staying home to raise my family, don't ask (and clearly you don't know me). The same goes for asking about whether someone will nurse, participate in the controversy of vaccinations or any of those other controversial issues. Unless you are truly impartial, don't ask if you are going to flinch or try to get in a heated debate with me.
Acceptable Things To Say
"You look so cute!" Thanks. I still feel like a cow most days, but keep saying it over and over as much as you'd like.
"How're you feeling?" Warning...ask this once, then let it drop. I have a lot of people that ask me this 3 or 4 times in a row...as if they are just dying for me to say I am miserable. If I say "good, thanks" that usually means...yes...I'm feeling good. Or it means "I don't know you well enough to discuss this with you in depth." so either way....let it go and move on.
Asking to touch my stomach. My understanding is the rule is you can often touch...but only after you ask. So always ask. So far I haven't ever thought "nope...get away from me." but I'm sure that day will come. Touching my stomach without asking doesn't bother me personally, but I've heard some mamas go bat-crazy if you don't ask first. Why chance getting sumo bumped by a preggo...just ask first.
Asking about future plans etc. It may stress me out, but read the signs. If I keep saying "I don't know..." stop. For example, if I break down it tears, hug me, shut up and walk away. Planning during this stage in our lives is crazy. That being said, I enjoy talking about things as I plan for the most part.
Usually Acceptable Things
"I really can only tell you're pregnant from your belly, everything else hasn't changed" (or some version of, "you haven't gained any weight in your face"). I say this is usually acceptable because believe it or not...us preggos can be temperamental. I've had this said to me once, and I thought it was super sweet. However, there is no promises that if you catch me on a rough day I wouldn't take offense to this.....
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