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What NOT to say when you find out someone is expecting


It has not been long since we made the big announcement of our upcoming baby, which means this topic is still fresh in my mind. I've been keeping an internal list of things not to say to someone after they announce they are expecting. All of which have been said to me (multiple times) in the last couple weeks. To those of you that have thought these, and not said them...thank you :) If you have said them, well let's think twice about saying it to another newly pregnant lady! 

1. I thought you looked pregnant. I realize I'm going to have to get accustomed to people commenting on the size of my stomach, but now is not the time. If you're like me and told people between the first and second trimester, anything that "makes me look" pregnant...isn't really a baby...it's fat. Not only that, but the person you're talking to may already be struggling with buttoning their pants, so they are very aware of the size of their muffin top. No good comes from saying this. 

2. Was it planned/Have you been trying? If they want to talk about the journey that got them to this place, the pregnant person will volunteer it. What if they've been trying for months/years? They've probably struggled with the ups and downs of this for quite some time, and bringing it back up doesn't do much good because they probably feel insecure that they couldn't do what seemed like every other girl was doing, or they are still worried about losing the baby if they've lost others. On the flip side, if they weren't trying...most people probably don't want to admit that they didn't originally want this huge life change, it's there now...so just accept whatever got that person to this point, its happening. 

3. Continuing to repeat how shocked and surprised you are. If you need to say it, go with once...then let it be. I start to read too far into this pretty quickly, "wait....why is it so surprising I would want a child?" I immediately think you've assumed I don't have a maternal bone in my body...so I know you'll be carefully watching and criticizing the rest of my pregnancy and first few years of being a mother. 

4. Imply that I'm copying/hopping on the band wagon. Deciding to have a baby is a very personal choice, and immediately being told you're doing it to be like everyone else is insulting. It's not like going out and buying the same dress you saw your best friend wear last weekend. Even if every single person you know is having a baby, just for the first time the newly pregnant announces the news, pretend they are the only one (or just don't say something about everyone else having them). Again refer to #2...you have no idea what has been going on with them thus far. And let's be honest, by the time I have this baby I'll be about 9 months away from turning 30...that means statically, yes...a lot of people I know my age are also having children. 

5. Enjoy ______ now while you still can! Whether it's sleeping, traveling, working, eating whatever I want....trust me, I've thought about ALL of that. Don't remind me, because what in the world am I supposed to say in response? 

6. What does Kevin think? If he is angry about this...well its just as much his fault as it is mine now! :) But seriously, who would admit if their spouse didn't want the kid? And also, if you're asking that, clearly you think he is something other than elated....so really it comes down to, what do you think of my husband and our relationship? I'm guessing you're thinking its on the rocks, or that he is already packing his bags to find a non-pregnant significant other. 

Acceptable Comments (in my book at least)

1. Your boobs look huge. My immediate thought "Why thank you, its only been about 17 years since puberty when I expected these puppies to grow in....and my day has finally arrived, if only my BFFs in the middle school gym locker room could see me now!!" In my world, totally acceptable (unless you're a guy, then please keep it to yourself). If you do say this, expect to see a reenactment of the elevator scene from "13 Going on 30" (i.e that's because I have these incredible boobs to fill it out)



2. Other surface questions. Things like due dates, how you're feeling, if you know the sex, daycare plans, cloth diaper, what hospital I'll birth at etc....90% of what I'll say is "I don't know" but I won't be offended if you ask, everyone else has asked too. I hear to stay away from the dreaded "nurse or bottle?" question...since that is one seriously hot topic, but honestly this one doesn't phase me personally, I couldn't care less what you think of my baby feeding choices, and I hear you really have no idea what your plans are entirely until the baby arrives.

3. Anything acceptable to say at a graduation party. Go with the defaults "Congratulations", "I bet your parents are so excited", "I absolutely loved this time in my life, and wish I could go back", maybe even "Next year will be awesome!" or " So what are your plans next year?"

4. You look fantastic. This could literally be the highlight of my day, say it as often as you want...because I probably feel like a fat cow. 

5. Would you like some chocolate? Yes, thank you...and a second helping if you're offering. 


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